e-ver-y-where

i had the joyous experience today of throwing an entire cup of coffee all over myself. all over my desk. all over my chair. all over the floor. some filing. some paperwork. my mousepad. my wrist rest… once more i found myself pondering just how something relatively small can hold so much liquid? it went everywhere.

e-ver-y-where.

fuck. cherry on top was that it wasn’t cheap and cheerful instant blend. no. it was deep roast filter. so the resulting stain on the chair. the carpet. my levi’s and my nike’s are pretty bloody obvious.

fuck.

after all my years on this rock, and the many, many, many – many – cups of joe i’ve had, i’m still somewhat baffled by how i managed to drop this one today?! growing up with a family with six of us, there was always the challenge, when tasked with making the post dinner beverage, to carry all six mugs in one trip. with no tray.

that, i managed.

today, one simple cup. no. bam! fuck! (pretty sure i dropped the f bomb, though am hoping it was, as usual, under my breath…but i think not.) and there it goes all over everything…

…including one of many lengthy received emails i’d printed out (as i needed a hard copy, for reasons i can’t quite remember at the moment…probably post traumatic stress causing the brain fart,) where those dreaded words slowly smudged by coffee stood out to me, as always: …blah blah blah…don’t hesitate to contact me.

i hate that. especially when they’ve used ten thousand words in their request and feel need to provide you with means to get even more shite from them. honestly, get to the fucking point.

i never end any work mail with an offer to assist further. question asked, i answer. brief. direct. sorted. done. i cannot be bothered with the fluff and bumph and other crap others feel need to add in every single mail. what do you want, and when do you want it. it’s not difficult, is it?!

sure, as such, i have a bit of a reputation within the wider working environment where some are weary of me, but most – fortunately – seem to like the fact it’s just boom, done.

there is method to my madness though… it means i get through irritating queries and nonsensical crap quick. yet i still make sure the answer / service provided is spot on so they realise i know my shit!

and so, please do hesitate to contact me should you have any further queries over my emails. i know i’ve already completed the task in full as required, so move on. besides. i’ve mr eye candy to enjoy and your stupid seemingly endless waffling emails are proving a distraction of my valuable cute-boy appreciation.

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