that beautiful small big city! 

“san francisco,” photo by me

“san francisco too,” photo by me

a couple pics, from my surprise christmas present of a weekend trip to san francisco last year while i was in the states, which i think perfectly show how dense the architecture is all squeezed in on some tiny plots of land…and just how small an area it actually is for such a big beautiful u.s city! i loved it there! 

getting it just so…

you may or may not be aware already as to the love hate relationship i have with work, though given how regularly it provides source material for my rambling in blog-world, if you aren’t already aware then i think you must be a newbie to the15thday! if so, welcome, get comfy, and thanks for popping by. oh, disclaimer: i swear like the proverbial so if you’re of a sensitive nature, well…you have been warned.


today is another work related entry (fuck off with your “boo’s,” you lot in the back.) this time about the weirdly possessive nature you tend to develop over certain things. especially those things that really are trivial to the max. this sort of territorial pissings, if i may borrow from nirvana’s back catalogue, something i’ve never really experienced outside of the workplace.

well, not much.

things like mugs. damn it’s fucking amazing how fiercely someone will take you on when you (innocently or not) use their mug! lost count of how many times individuals have searched the three offices we occupy here in search of their mug and their far from subtle ways of pointing out that you’ve crossed the line in a mahoosive way by daring to drink a beverage from their sacred mug. as for me, i too have succombed to the ways of having my own special mug, though this is only so as to ensure i avoid the savage attacks from anyone as i’ve no need to use their crap.

i guess related to this is those who bring in their own special milks and or fruity (aka utterly vile crap) teas as the office provided versions aren’t acceptable to their fussy needs, they leave them in the shared kitchens then complain like bastards when someone uses it. i reckon if you’re gonna leave the shit in a public space, put your damned name on it. otherwise, fair game i say!

then there’s desk space. some people throw an almighty hissy fit when “their desk” gets used by someone else. like they own the desk itself and the space it occupies?! i’m perfectly okay with someone using my desk when i’m not in, though it does naff me off a bit when i come back and they’ve fucked with my screens, keyboard and mouse arrangement etc. more so when they’ve moved my paperwork about. i’ve a load of paperwork on my desk, and i know just where everything is so don’t fuck with it. screens etc are also set up for my usual bad postured slump in my chair.

oh, the chair, yes, that’s another thing some are extremely anal about. again, i don’t really mind, provided they don’t mess with the settings. my chair is perfectly set for my aforementioned slumped position and so when someone diddles with the backrest etc i have to start all over again with getting it just so….

ɪˈlɪksə, aka bah hum-tuesday-bug

elixir: ɪˈlɪksə/
noun: elixir; plural noun: elixirs
a magical or medicinal potion.
“an elixir guaranteed to induce love”
synonyms: potion, concoction, brew, philtre, decoction;
medicine, tincture, tonic;

decided to just blatantly drop this definition here first before i set off on my usual rambling highly considered opinions on the matter.

especially as there’s no way can i subtly drop today’s daily prompt into my blog. “elixir” is not exactly one of those words i’d use in regular conversation. or any conversation really.

i mean, just when would this come up? besides, if you did use this in everyday conversation i think you’d sound rather wanky. even the example above from the searched for definition is wanky: “an elixir guaranteed to induce love,” (gag. puke.)


so yeah. not a great deal to be done with this one. other than i guess, if it is magical or medicinal potion related, well, if anyone has come up with an elixir (see how wanky thank sounds?!) to deal with all things middle-aged-ness, then pretty please fling it my way, because today i’m feeling rather meh, rather blah, a lot blurgh and generally fucked off with it all.

fat, fed up, fatigued, fucking irritable…

of course this is not helped by it being a tuesday. tuesday’s are typically bastard days, so why would this one be any different?! oh, and the eye-candy is not in today. the cherry on the top. or rather not, it’s missing. he’s my cherry on the workday pudding and without it it’s just gloopy.

bah hum-tuesday-bug.

walking corpse look? hmm…

while brushing my teeth this morning, still in my usual early morning fugue state so not a pretty reflection being returned from the large unavoidable bathroom mirror, i couldn’t help but notice just how grey my hair is getting.

usually this wouldn’t bother me but this morning it did. perhaps it was to do with effectively being awake an hour earlier than usual (thanks to the clocks bouncing forward an hour yesterday for the “british summer time” thing, meaning my 7:50am alarm call was technically 6:50am aka fucking stupid o’clock) or the fact i started monday with a bit of a hangover (that “just the one” last night misread by my inner addictive self as bottle rather than glass, doh!) or perhaps that i was awake till gone 3am having gotten engrossed in a film. as you do on a sunday evening, no?!

but yeah, the natural highlights were certainly well on display this morning, and ruffled my feathers a little.

a lot.

not really strange for me to have tiredness and sore-head affect my opinion on something, so this reaction hasn’t come as any kind of shock to me at least. more of a large niggle than a fucked-me-off state i guess.

did make me ponder whether to take the plunge and revert to a former incarnation of self as “purpleboy!” named such thanks to my hair being dyed a rather lush colour of deep purple. it’s been quite a long while since i last roamed the streets with my purple do, and actually rather long since i last had any colour, the blondie phase of twenty-fifteen. but that was a bit of a bugger to maintain thanks to the severe contrast of bleached to fuck white vs brunette roots?!

i dunno… only issue with the purple is it drains colour from the face, and well…i am extremely beige skinned at present and wonder if draining what teeny tiny hint of colour i actually do have may just complete the walking corpse look. and that’s certainly not a look i’m desperate to go with…

hmm… guess i’ll give it more thought for now. and tomorrow just turn my back on the mirror when doing the teeth?!

suggested texting. a poem, sort of.

today i shall be happy for you 

and my dear friend of course i am the way to your beautiful kitty 

and you have been 

my favourite person ever so much love you too dear 

hope you’re happy 

with your amazing body 

thank goodness 

i got you too for my goodness i loved it too when you were in the dark 

with my eyes and 

my goodness my heart was so very true 

to you

*a poem, of sorts, written with “suggested text” options only, started with “today” in response to today’s prompt: meaningless !!

one in a billion

while the internet has it’s uses, after all, gone are the days where you had to summon the nuts to venture into the store for a “top shelf” magazine for your perusal at leisure, well, so i’ve heard anyway. i’m practically saint like so i have never bought a single top shelf magazine.

definitely not just the single copy.


you can order food, pay bills, watch cute kitten videos for hours on end, tweet your views on the news / latest z-lister celeb or whatever floats your boat, find love, watch movies, call people across the world face to face and for free (well, free as in it’s included in your monthly broadband fee,) and many other weird, wonderful, wacky and utterly bizarre crap at will.

unfortunately you can also search for symptoms on healthcare and other sites, and to be honest, this to me is nightmare inducing and a terrible use of the internet. much like the days of ago when the medical reference book was available to browse too. (yes kids, actual heavy as fuck books that we had to actually go to a library to read and literally have to turn the actual pages?!)

it always seems, certainly from experience anyway, that the mildest of symptoms when googled seems to come up with you will die a severe and painful death from this vile evil disease because even though you reside in hove, you’ve contracted this despite it only affecting one in every billion people on earth and is from contact with a single bug that lives in the outer realms of the namibian desert where you’ve never set foot in your life.

or such like. it just does no one any good. if you’re feeling squiffy to start with, following a google symptoms search, well you’ll be fucked?! do yourself a favour, and just don’t. stick to the cute kitty vids instead. way less harmful to the self!

ta-dah! the loopy &(%^ mood yoyo effect

so today’s “daily post prompt” is acceptance, and have to admit this is rather handy.

handy in that a: i have a pretty good idea what it actually means, as opposed to some recent prompts where the use of google has been required before i could even vaguely contemplate spewing forth my usual crap on (or near too) topic!

b: i got little to no sleep last night so am not in the mood to have to delve into some exotic phraseology. except that one. i guess. that’s a big word for a wednesday lunch time.

and c: it’s rather apt to what’s going on in my head at the moment.

yes. i live a great deal in my head. as you’ve probably well noticed already. this is both a good and a bad thing. good in that sometimes keeping shit in your head only means you avoid landing yourself in trouble; bad in that you can spend too much time dwelling on shit that really shouldn’t matter.

i do the former a lot because i’m not keen on confrontation at all; it’s best not to tell the straight boy eye-candy colleague out loud that he’s looking particularly fine; and i suffer from the latter to the nth degree, so much so it does piss me off sometimes.


the constant internal dialogue on pretty much everything, often in lecturing mode, and most of the time telling myself off. and typically for things that really aren’t viewed logically in the first place.

much like dissing of self for having gained weight. as if it’s the worst thing in the history of the entire world as i know it. this usually leads to mood crash, enforced banning of the good stuff, which leads to further mood crashes, till i snap and fall off the wagon. or out of the fridge (or whatever term is used for the falling off the wagon when it comes to food?!) that too makes the mood crash and ta-dah! the loopy fuck mood yoyo effect starts all over again!!

i really need to accept that hey, don’t be a dick, self… think about it.

it’s nothing more than the results of my being a non-sporty desk jockey who’s “sports” are reading, writing and watching movies, who likes a drink, and loves his food, rounded off with a dollop of the i’m-in-my-forties to boot. forty-three next birthday.

forty-three?! (there’s another item on the internal monologue… forty-three in years, sixteen in brain i swear!!! but that’s another story. probably already told here. more than once. i have a tendency to repeat myself. i am almost forty-three, you know…)

it’s getting myself to accept that hey, no one else is losing sleep over it, anyone who does and thinks that’s reason to avoid me or whatever, well fuck ’em. i actually don’t mind that i’ve a belly now. or a larger butt. i’ve kinda maintained recent levels too, so that’s fine too. i guess i could do with a tan though. my skin is very pale. almost flourescent?!

i’m sure once i can get my head around that concept i’ll learn to chill a lot more and just go with it, know what i mean? i do, well sort of. anyway, you get the idea.

i feel justified in having a moan

brace yourselves, this is another “office / work related” bitch session, so if you’re not in the mood, best perhaps move on?!

but as it is a tuesday – my least favourite and usually most frustrating day of the week, and no i don’t know why but it just is – i feel fully justified in having a moan.

plus i’m tired – despite actual sleep yesterday and last night – am a little grumpy too. i’m also fighting the arguments in my head – the usual running internal commentary has turned into lecturing mode today for whatever reason, no doubt triggered by recent considerations of healthy vs unhealthy but favourite food & drink intake – and finally, i’m stuck in ear shot and “eye shot” (which just as bad as the ear shot in some most cases) of a particular department who, as previously bitched about, have an amazing knack of pissing me off.

oh. and my office eye-candy is sitting in another room today thanks to lack of space in the main office. fuck sake, is it too much to ask to have someone’s cute butt to distract you from the dullness of the nine-to-five.

fucking hell.

today’s little trigger, aside from the usual volume crap is spoken all day long, every day, tone of voice of some, repetitive nature of babble shared, and well, general unsightliness of the aforementioned department, it’s down to certain comments being aired about workloads and new requirements etc…

clearly this bunch is keen to do only the bare minimum of work required, minimal effort applied to absolutely everything they do. aside from bitch and moan. they have been getting away with it for far too long, being able to blame “systems” etc. now said “systems” are being updated and upgraded and hey presto, these lazy schmucks now have to do some actual work.

you should hear the complaints. oh my days… if i had my way, i’d give them the ultimatum: shut up and get on with it, or fuck off. sure there’re plenty out there who’d be happy for the work. and probably others who’d be better at it, moan less about it.

and hey, possibly even provide moi with additional backup eye candy?!